I ate today. Ate a normal amount of food. Yay. A bowl and a half of cereal with dairy milk, a blueberry fruit & grain bar, an egg-salad sandwhich, a Burger Kind double stacker with fries and Coke.
I still feel totally disconnected from reality and from relationships. I need to get that connection back, because I know that if I don't my mood will begin to decline el rapido. The worst that my emotional connection with my wife is hanging by a thread. It just seems that whenever there is a time for me to open up and discuss things, somebody or something interrupts us. It's obnoxious and disheartening. We've begun to talk about it and repair the problem, but I really wish we weren't in this predicament. My wife is my number one go-to person to lean on, and my best friend. My friend who has recently proven to be really good at talking and listening to me just had a baby today, so even she is temporarily out of the picture while she focuses on her newly-expanded family and recovery.
I'm starting a new book soon: The 10 Best-Ever Anxiety Management Techniques by Margaret Wehrenberg, and I'm hoping that it will prove to be as enlightening about my anxiety as Feeling Good was about my depression.
I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. At least there are only two days left this week, and then we're down to about seven weeks to go before the end of the school year. My grade's secretary asked if I was going to be back next year, and I simply responded that I will see what other offers are out there first. I would really like to get a new position, but it would have to come with full health benefits for my family. Then again, if I stick it out to next year, my salary will go up at least 5 if not 10k. That will help pay for a lot of students loans after my bankruptcy clears. But I really did hate teaching in this position this past year. Our school is so incredibly top-heavy, and the left hand has no idea what the right hand is doing.
Speaking of work, I'm bummed that the article in the Oakland Press never got released. I was really looking forward to reading that and feeling a bit of satisfaction and vindication. Maybe it will get published soon anyhow. It's not my call anyhow.
It is a really difficult situation to be in when you feel the need to be the number one priority, and things tend to interrupt that. Life happens, but it is hard to understand that when life happens you have to wait. I am going to take an outside perspective here and say. Can you control everything around you? No. Can you control how you approach that environment? Yes.
ReplyDeleteTake the moments where you can talk and vent as they come. Even if you get 10 minutes here, and 10 minutes there by the end of the day I bet it will add up to a lot more time than you thought!
As for eating, good for you! Keep it up! The more regular you keep your eating schedule the better you should feel!